


Magic Mystery Outting

by ifimsowrong



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, but she's weird, crack!fic, don't judge my sister she's fab, it's probably a family trait, it's weird i know, m-preg, no explicit shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-19
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-16 15:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifimsowrong/pseuds/ifimsowrong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crack!fic where Derek faints. Two times. Because of reasons.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Magic Mystery Outting

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I'm posting this, but please read this first and hear me out:
> 
> 1) My sister wrote this. Yes, sounds stupid, but it's true, she's stressed and kind of insane right now (no offense, sis :*) and it took her 20 mins, so.  
> 2) I only beta'd and... yep it's weird as fuck and I was cracking up as I read this.  
> 3) Moral of the story.. is actually there? idk
> 
> okay, I don't even know what to say?? Don't take it seriously, it's a crack-fic and me and my sister think m-preg is weird as fuck, so yeah.
> 
> Enjoy, I guess?

It was, like, the end of the summer and Stiles was as fat as he has ever been. And what the fuck was wrong with his, like, everything? Derek was also acting weird around him, sniffing and cuddling and shit.

One night someone broke into Stiles’s room and kidnapped him. Chloroform on Dad’s pillow and all. When Stiles could actually talk, with gag being pulled out of his mouth he found himself in a cabin in the middle of the woods, so far away from any civilization, even Derek couldn’t  make it in one day.

“What the fuck, dude?” Stiles screamed.

“Stiles… you are pregnant.” said the mysterious voice, belonging to no one he has ever met.

“What now?”

“You have a were-baby in your belly! I can’t get more obvious than that. Look deep inside yourself and you will know,” the man said after a pause while Stiles was still looking at him as if he saw a fence talking.

“Nah man, I’m a dude. As in, male. As in, no place to contain babies.”

“Well, one would think that, but you had to get on with the Alpha, and a cursed one, none the less.”

Then the creepy man left, leaving Stiles with a stash of food, computer games, books, but no internet. He would come once a week to check in. And yeah, Stiles was getting pretty heavy. And clawed from his insides.

One day it occurred to him to ask: “Masked man, please, would you explain to me HOW am I supposed to give a birth to a thing that is there?”

“Ah, well, pretty simple - we will pull it out, no problem. Anyway, it’s not the first time we have to deal with this kind of crap. You would think there are only so many problems that can occur concerning the supernatural.”

“Like what?” he asked politely curious.

“Well, not getting into many details, but the last month we had this case with fairy elephant… fucked up shit. But think on the bright side - you will live. Well, 90% chance you will, but odds are pretty good.  And then? Use a condom, you know. Act safe. Or even better - find someone who doesn’t have a family history of curses - it’s hard to deal with your boyfriend as it is.”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” sulked the pregnant boy.

* * *

Finally, Derek found his way into the cabin, looking worse to wear than ever.

“Dude, what the hell?” Stiles asked.

“Where have you been? For TWO months?”

“Nice to see you too, love-muffin. I was here, being kidnapped and pregnant.”

“What now?” Derek looked just fine for a man about to faint.

“Ah, that. Well, mister magic spunk, here I am. Two months till labor. How you feel about parenthood?”

And then his hubby fainted. One would think that werewolves were tougher. Apparently, Derek was not prepared for that.

When he came over, he was still unable to speak:

“So, yeah, basically, you’re cursed and I’m about to become a mommy. Good news, this mysterious guy M will take care of this shit, bad news, I’ll have to explain to Dad where I was for past four months.”

* * *

The great day came: Stiles got probed good, Mystery man pulled out a tailed furry thingy out of his ass and Derek fainted again. Then, before they could even react, the cabin vanished with everything, leaving naked-assed Stiles, greenish Derek and lingering cloud of shimmery dust around.  Not even a trace left.

After that, they ALWAYS used protection.

 

THE END


End file.
